The explanation for my disappearing act.

Wow, it’s been a while! I feel as though I’ve betrayed my blog by not posting anything for such a period of time. There are reasons for this though, I promise.

Check out www.myjozi.co.za

Just thought I’d pop in and punt this really cool website that I am so proud to be a part of. Dale (a good friend of mine) and I have been working hard to get some great content going about relevant things happening in Jozi. We have amazing visions for this website as its readership grows daily.
We have been busy at media events and all sorts of other affairs, rubbing shoulders with celebs and getting MyJozi out there. This site is going places very quickly.
Keep a look out for great reviews and articles about what’s happening in Jozi. It’s everything Jozi related and offers a fresh and intriguing perspective into life in this bustling city.
See you there, or here really soon.

Am I getting old or am I still hung over?

I recently turned 24 and with it came the odd comment that suggested I’m “approaching the hill.” Now I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me that I’m getting old, I take great offense! So when I received these sny, sny comments, I shrugged them off and laughed. I am at the end of the day only 24- that’s hardly old, right? Well, did I have a bit of a wake- up call this weekend.
Nothing screams “you’re maturing in life” more than a weekend at Spring Break. I don’t know quite what I was expecting because BOY OH BOY, did I feel like a granny. WTF!
I found myself waking up at 02:30 (very parched and slightly hung over I might add) to teenagers being teenagers in the corridors of the hotel. Now normally I would be one of those loud mouth, badasses, waking everyone up and not caring about what those elder than ourselves thought. This time I found myself being one of the elderly with my head sticking out of the door of the hotel, asking the stumbling, drunken kids as politely as possible to refrain from acting like two year olds. The problem is, as I was walking towards the door I thought “what are you doing? Stop walking, you are behaving like a 60 year old.” But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I still ended up doing it (she says as she blushed furiously!)
As if that is not bad enough, whilst walking to breakfast at 09:00 in the morning, (WTF?) some little squirt who still happened to be drinking, called me a tannie! A tannie??
I seem to be having some sort of quarter life crisis. If anyone feels like boosting my confidence, please feel free. Otherwise I love chocolate and shopping for bags!

English lesson one.

I have decided to give a quick English lesson. This is dedicated to those who are not aware of the basic laws of English. Please take note of this and if need be, write it down or at the very least store it in your mental pocket.

"My daughter are driving me crazy." No people, this is not how we speak English, infact it’s not even how the Poms speak English and they suck at it!

Now please concentrate.

It is, “My daughter is driving me crazy.”

I don’t want to overdo it in one day, I wouldn’t want to fry your brains. Now read closely.

It’s not “Me and my wife.” It is “My wife and I.”

I hope that wasn’t too much to take in on one day.

Desiderata

My love for poetry has been life- long. I have always found words to be comforting to read and an escape when written. The thing I love most about writing is that every now and then someone gets it right. They use the perfect words, tone and approach and somehow it strikes the right chord within you.

This is a piece of writing that I fell in love with years ago. I thought twice about sharing it but many of you may already know it, besides, who am I to keep such a piece of perfection to myself?

I agree with every line, word and idea. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann - penned in the roaring 1920's

A swear word a day keeps the stress levels away

Everyone loves to use a little expressive language every now and then. By expressive, I mean bad language, swearing or as my mother would call it, “foul language.” It certainly does add some texture to a conversation. I mean what grabs you more? “Could you possibly keep quiet for five minutes, please” or “Shut your fucking pie hole you doos.”

Now obviously there is a time and place for everything. I’m not about to walk into my relatives’ house and start swearing but nothing grinds my bones more than those pampas arses who look down at you when you swear, because after they have a couple drinks, no word that comes out of their mouths is present in the English Dictionary. Seriously you stupid, stupid, hypocrite if you remembered half the things that you did while you were drunk then you probably wouldn’t be complaining about everyone swearing. You would be hiding under a rock somewhere in shame.

I really don’t think that swearing defines who you are as a person. I know many successful people who swear like troopers. They are colorful and exciting. I’m not saying it’s the language they use that makes them that way, but instead the fact that they are not afraid to hold back. If you are able to live life and not vent your frustrations verbally then you are probably perfect and props to you. My advice- get a life!

Whoever said that swearing is a sign of evil in one’s heart has never met a Vega student- a bunch of amazing people with dreams and goals that would stretch from Earth to Mars and back again. Although we spent 3 years together polishing our talents and preparing for the big bad world, the majority of the words that came out of our mouths are the kind of words that are generally “beeped” out on TV for the sake of children and the more conservative type (blah.) Never before have I met a group of people with so much love in their hearts and minds.

To all the “fuckers” and “shitters” of this world- keep it up. Your expression and moments of vulnerability are inspiring and as close to the truth as you could get.

Rude food

My lunch gave me inspiration to write this blog post. Yes, my lunch! While I was eating spaghetti bolognaise (and trying not to get it all over my face) I was reminded of one of my absolute biggest hates. I know it’s silly, because we are all human and it is inevitable, but it grinds me when I can hear people chewing.

When I am sitting at a table, eating food with other people, and I can hear the crunching of their food in their mouths, I come close to losing it. This applies to swallowing liquids too. That sound makes me want to pull my hair out. Is there honestly a need to swallow so vigorously? Your drink isn’t going to grow fins and swim away. I realize that this is something that cannot be helped but I’m allowed to voice my opinion. We live in a country where freedom of speech is a right. It is still a right isn’t it?

I have a name for a certain number of foods.

Rude Foods

These consist of anything that makes an earth shattering noise when bitten into or that are bound to make an embarrassing mess. Not to mention the sound that they make when you are chewing on them. Things like:

▪ Mielies

▪ Rusks

▪ Bread that has been heated up to the point where it is hard (very yummy with melted butter on top)

▪ Spaghetti Bolognaise

This blog post isn’t going to make me any friends. In fact it will probably make me loose a couple. But please, this is a plea to anyone who I will come into contact with. When you are around me, do not eat the above foods and if you feel the need to, then tell me so that I can leave the continent.

Many thanks.

What happens to your mother when she turns 60...

Yesterday (9^th August) was not only Women’s Day, it was also my mom’s birthday. Not just any birthday, it was her 60^th. You would expect someone who is just about to turn 60 to be slowing down. You wouldn’t think that they would be very active anymore. By active I mean dancing, drinking (like a fish) and then still able to wake up at the crack of dawn and function like a normal human being the next day with no signs of a hangover.

Well that’s what I expected. I was terribly mistaken. My mother has impressed me to the point where I feel like I’m the one who should be 60. Perhaps there was a body swap somewhere along the line.

Let me go back a couple days. On Friday we went out for Chris’s birthday. Like I do, I was dancing, drinking, dancing, drinking and at 02:30 I had enough. That was me- done! A couple of hours of fun and I was ready for bed. As much as I hate to admit it (at the age of 24- nearly) I cannot handle two nights in a row anymore- sad story, I know.

However on Sunday afternoon my mother’s friend of many years arrived from Cape Town to join my mother for her birthday party that we were having on the 9^th (Monday.) As they have done for many years, the two of them cracked open a few bottles of champagne and wine and proceeded to drink into the night- not forgetting that we need to wake up early, set up and cook the next morning to get everything ready for my mom’s 60^th birthday party. I (being the loser I am) went to bed early whilst they were still up. If there is one thing I hate, it is being tired the next day while having important things to do.

At 07:30 the next morning I wake up to the sounds of pots, pans, excited voices and dogs barking. My mother is already up, getting everything ready. I ask you, with tears in my bonnie blues, how the woman (now 60) is able to function like that with the amount of alcohol she consumed the night before.

We all spend the morning setting up. The juke box arrives, the alcohol and food is all set out, the balloons are blown up and hung (what a mission- best way to get blisters) and we all get ready to have a party.

Needless to say my mother and all the guests spend the day drinking (starting to sound like my mother is an alcoholic- she isn’t, I promise) and dancing to music through the ages. I remained sober so that I could clean, wash dishes and make sure everyone had what they needed (never again!)

By 20:00 I was exhausted. My feet were so sore I had to soak them in a bath. While I was doing that, guess where my parents and their friends were? Still drinking and reminiscing about the good old days as they listened to the lyrics of some of their favorite music. I brave the night and decide to join the party.

You know your father is drunk when you have a conversation with him that is as follows:

Dad: Whaat you dwrinking there Lexyy?

Lexy: Its Fanta Orange

Dad: But why yoou dwrinking Cane?

Lexy: It’s Fanta dad, not Cane

Dad: Yees, buut why soo much Cane?

Lexy: Its Fanta

To bed I went, too tired to argue with my drunk father (as much as I do love him- he can be the most frustrating person to talk to when he is drunk.)

I have learnt something about age. It’s not the number that defines you, it’s the determination to live life, have fun and do as many things as possible, while you still can.

At the age of 60, my mother inspires me more than she ever has before. It’s not just her drinking, dancing and social side that I am inspired by, but her determination and passion. I only hope to be that much fun when I am 60.

Love you mom!

My 5 guilty pleasures.

There are certain things in life that just too good to resist. Although I know that I probably shouldn’t be indulging in them as often as I do, I simply cannot say no. I’m sure everybody has those moments when you “try” drag yourself away but that little voice just tempts you back.
I’m not quite sure if some of these temptations are merely bad habits, I haven’t quite drawn the line. However what I do know is that they are rather fulfilling in their own ways.
My top 5 guilty pleasures come in many different forms.

1. I absolutely love to stare at people in public. This I know is rude, but I get a kick out of eavesdropping, watching people argue or by simply staring at them, even if they are the most uninteresting person to look at, (well especially if they are the most uninteresting person to look at.) I think, “I wonder what this person does for fun? Is this their idea of fun?” That doesn’t make me a bad person, does it?

2. When I get home from work and I have finished doing all the things I need to do, I lay on my bed with whatever snack I can find in the kitchen and I watch Isidingo. Aimless TV I know, but so totally intriguing at the same time. As if this is not bad enough, on Sundays I watch the omnibus! Don’t judge me- there are many relative scenarios in the show that I’m sure you would relate to as well ;-)

3. Wearing my sister’s clothes. This has resulted in the outbreak of a couple wars in my house. A few times, to the point where there has actually been blood! I have this thing about her wearing my clothing- basically I hate it! But I have no problem wearing hers what so ever. Selfish I know. This is why it is one of my guilty pleasures.

4. I absolutely love to search for people on Facebook (even if I am not “friends” with them) and look through their photos. I’m sure we all do but something about it makes me feel like I am invading their space- even though they have put these pictures up for the whole world to see.

5. Without fail, every single morning my alarm goes off at 05:00. The night before (every single night before) I assure myself that tomorrow will be the day that I will get my ass out of bed at 05:00 and get to work early. However the devil on my pillow has other plans for me. I snooze the alarm (every single morning) for 10 minutes at a time until eventually I get up. The extra interrupted sleep makes me feel unproductive and lazy however it’s just way too good to stop.

So these are some of the things that make me weak. I can’t stop but I’m not too sure if I want to either.

Vote for the bits and bobs

Hi everyone.

I know I had this up a couple weeks ago, but the information was incorrect.

Everything I do on this blog is for fun. When something gets me going or when I have 5 minutes to spare, I enjoy sharing my thoughts with who ever is interested.

If you enjoy reading my writing or if you just feel like spreading the love, then please vote for my blog. Just click on the image below and select 3 categories that you think best suit.

Thanks guys.

p.s. There is lots more to come so keep your eyes peeled onto all the bits and bobs =)

Super Hero Friday- DA DADA DA!

On the last Friday of every month at work, we dress up according to a different theme. Today is “Super hero” Friday. My team decided to have some fun with this theme and because we work at a web design company, we thought we would dress up as SuperGeeks. Needless to say I got some very strange looks on the way to work this morning! At least I wasn’t stopped in a roadblock like one of my team members was- sorry Megan =).

All in the name of fun!

Vote for me.

Even though I've just recently started this blog, I hope to have many visitors, write many interesting articles and have lots of fun. If you happen to stumble across this, please vote for my blog in the SA Blog Awards by clicking on the picture below.

I hope that you will visit again. You won't regret it.

P.S. I know it says 2009, just ignore that.

Looks like the Brazilians build better stadiums than they play football

Well, well, well, looks like Brazil is feeling the pressure a bit. 2014 will be the 20th FIFA World Cup, quite an anniversary if you think about it. This will be the second time that Brazil will be hosting this sit on the edge of your seat event.

With the amazing World Cup that South Africa hosted, it makes sense that the Brazilians are feeling the heat. Although I was rooting for Brazil in this year’s World Cup, a part of me hopes that when 2014 rolls around, critics will be comparing their hosting skills to ours. I’m sure that no matter what tricks they pull out the bag they will not be as memorable as we were.

Despite my competitive side, I must give props to Brazil. The plans for the stadiums look incredible. Rather creative too. Let’s see if they can Waka Waka their way into our hearts.

Fun, football, fireworks and fever!

We were warned that the day after the final World Cup game, the country would go into depression. I didn’t think I would feel this bad though- it could also be all the strawberry tequila I was drinking last night. Oh my word I want my bed. I want 2 lie down, close my eyes and dream of that moment just before the opening ceremony. That feeling of unity and pride that washed over South Africa like a graceful wave. It was a feeling that so many of us had never felt before.

I had that same feeling watching the closing ceremony last night. That amazing technology and creativity showed the world that South Africa is not only capable of hosting the most mind blowing event on the planet, but that we are also in the front line when it comes to putting on a state of the art show.

I’m so glad that Nelson Mandela made an appearance. That smile warmed my heart and honestly almost bought a tear to my eyes. All in all, the final World Cup evening was a show and a half.

Keep your heads held high South Africa and recognize the fact that you have lived through what was possibly one of the most exciting things that will ever happen to our young country. Frame your pictures and keep your memories close to your heart. Let’s keep the “gees” alive forever more!

The spike that doesn't hurt, at first

There are so many stories out there about the ways in which people get spiked. It’s scary to think that we can’t go out into public and enjoy a night out with friends, without the fear and worry of whether or not your drink has been tampered with.

I myself have been unlucky enough to experience it. My incident however was an amateur attempt. I was at a club in Rivonia years ago and decided to pour a glass of water for myself from the jug on the bar counter- not one of the brightest ideas I have ever had. Lucky for me, I was with close friends who took control of the situation once they had realized what had happened to me. There are many cases that we’ve heard of where girls blackout and can’t remember a thing the next day, after drinking only a couple drinks.

I heard a terrifying story this weekend. I was in such absolute shock after hearing it that it actually got me thinking about wanting to even socialize in public at all anymore. A friend of mine went to a popular bar in Midrand a couple weeks ago with a friend of hers. She ordered a glass of wine and her friend ordered a coffee. They ordered the drinks at the bar and then went to sit down. As they sat at the table they noticed 2 Nigerian men looking at them from a table across the room. One of them got up and walked over to the bar where he spoke to the barman and proceeded back to his seat. My friend thought nothing of the man’s movements and carried on with her conversations. When their drinks arrived they started sipping on them when one of the Nigerian men came over to their table and offered the two ladies a drink. They turned down the offer and the man walked back to his table. A couple sips of wine later, my friend started feeling very nauseous. She got up to go to the bathroom and as she stood up, she fainted.

This very public example of spiking a woman’s drinks is an ever increasing trend. These men target a woman who walks into a bar or club and once their drinks have been ordered they consult with the barman. Being in cahoots with the staff makes their lives easier and it obviously takes attention off them as being the “spiker.”

How to test for date rape drugs

An Australian company has developed a device that is able to tell whether or not a drink has been spiked. The Drink Spike Detector (DSD) is a credit card sized instrument that requires a couple drops of the drink on it to pick up traces of the two most popular date rape drugs. Gamma- Hydroxide- Butyric Acid or GBH, also commonly known as Fantasy, Liquid Ecstasy and Grievous Bodily Harm, and Ketamine also known as Special K, Kitty Kat or K, are the most common date rape drugs used. This test takes seconds to show results. In the past, these colorless, odorless and tasteless date rape drugs were virtually impossible to detect. The DSD however changes colour, thanks to technology, when these drugs are present in the drink. This life saving device has recently become available in South Africa.

Tips to protect your drink, your friends and yourself

It’s recommended that women (or anyone at all) do not leave drinks unattended. They should also take a friend to the bathroom, party in a group and always stick together when in public. Keeping a watch out for one another as well as those around you will help to protect all of you. Ordering a drink in a closed bottle is vital. Cans are thin and a syringe can easily poke through it. Accepting free drinks is a definite NO! It’s also a good idea to keep a thumb over a bottle opening when dancing.

There is no guarantee that these tips will prevent a date rape drug from entering your system but being alert and keeping tabs on your surroundings will definitely reduce the risks.

The day I overdosed, on Adrenaline!

When someone asks you to jump out of a plane and fall 11 000 feet to the ground, Im assuming that the general reaction would be “not a chance.” Well lucky me, I was asked to do exactly that. The only difference is, I was asked by my sister, one of the people on this planet that I would do anything for.
The thought of skydiving had crossed my mind a couple times before, but it wasn’t until the moment I put my legs into the purple skydiving suit that I realized it was really happening. There is nothing quite like the feeling of approaching a plane and releasing your feet off the earth. As I stepped onto the baking plane, I was filled with an overwhelming mixture of spine chilling fear and heart pounding excitement. It’s a strange and somewhat uncomfortable feeling to have because parts of me wanted to get out and run whilst I forced myself to stay seated. As the engine started and the plane begun to glide upwards, an uncontrollable roll of swear words fell out my mouth.
Being strapped to the tandem instructor was about the only reassuring feeling I felt. My sister was ready to go. Her instructor had positioned them in front of the door. There were professionals to go after them and then we were next. As we reached our 11 0000 feet mark, I expected everyone to kind of hang around for a few minutes and chat about how we were all feeling. That of course did not happen. It wasn’t even as I had finished putting my goggles on that I felt a breeze so cold, my face froze in its terrified expression. I honestly have never been so scared in my life. I forgot to mention that at this point my sister had already jumped. I wanted so badly to chicken out. The only reason why I didn’t was because I couldn’t string the words together.
The moment arrived. We were positioned on the edge. Door open, ready to jump. I had no control over when that moment would come. All it would take was for the instructor to let go and the force pull us out. I had planned to keep my eyes closed the whole way down. This is not how it happened. In fact, the feeling of being sucked outwards and free falling through the atmosphere somehow brought my mind, body and soul together. My eyes were open every second and I saw absolutely everything. It was the most liberating feeling.
I can remember when the parachute opened. I was so taken by what had just happened and what I was seeing below me. I’ve flown in planes before, but the view from the top is just so much better when you are really flying. For the first time in my life I knew how athletes feel when they break world records. My heart was racing so fast that when we touched down on the landing strip, I was literally speechless. It all happened so fast but it was as if I was caught, just for a few seconds, in a moment in time. It was the day that I felt the controlling yet rushing feeling of an adrenaline high.
The fear that had piled up was worth every minute of stress. Having nothing to support your weight brings a new perspective on life. Being between space and earth is a surreal feeling, a feeling that will be cherished forever.

Visit www.iloveskydiving.co.za
Call +27 12 543 0377

Where to from here?

Okay, so this ball needs to get rolling. I've got so much planned for this blog, it's hard to decide where to start. Shall I bombard you with my personal life or shall I ease you in slowly with something a little more general? Yip, I think that's probably best. I don't want to scare everyone off in one go.

Now that my mind is made up, let me get to it.

Laters.

The complexities of me. I'll never understand!

I’ve always questioned life. For as long as I can remember, I have never accepted things the way they are. I’ve always thought that this was a strange “trait” to have, until I realized that if everybody abides by society and its expectations then we might as well have all been born as programmed machines.

I’m one of those people who when I open my mouth to speak, the general response is deep confusion etched onto their faces of those looking at me. Every now and then I get a couple nods, but I’m sure that most of the time people are just trying to be polite. Maybe I’m imagining it. Perhaps this is how we all are. But in this space I am me. Everything on this blog represents me in some way or another.

Being a copywriter, I tend to love anything that sounds amazing. Music is what got me hooked onto words, but today it’s the pleasure of creating something new. Even if my work is inspired by something or someone else, it’s my take, my perspective and my vision.